Shakespeare it ain’t

People write for many reasons – burning ambition, money, fame, a stop-and-stare mindboggling idea that won’t go away or even the misguided notion that the actual act of writing will somehow transform one’s life.

For the jobbing writer (I believe ‘portfolio writer’ is the latest buzz term), half the battle is often what to do with something once it’s been written. That, and getting your work accepted. Small wonder that self-publishing has a niche in the marketplace, whether for sale or for personal satisfaction.

This month I completed a demo CD of some comedy material that doesn’t really fit any of the avenues I supply or pitch to. So, rather than let the material languish in a drawer, I’ve recorded it in all its nasally glory. Audacity is free-to-use recording software and take it from me, it’s pretty much idiot-proof. Once saved, the files can be exported as wav or mp3 files so you won’t need Audacity to play them back.

It’s surprisingly liberating to be someone else, recording darker and smuttier material than I’d usually put my name to. Even the topical material that goes to The Treason Show and to The News Revue is only associated with me in the running order following the show.

Here’s my running order, followed by a sales pitch!

1. Jedi
2. Numbers
3. First dates
4. Polar bear
5. Eco Worrier
6. Charity cards
7. Emails
8. Condoms & porn
9. Breaking up
10. Comedy virgin
11. English language
12. Crap drinker
13. Snippets
14. Radical views
15. British wildlife
16. Bird watching
17. God and fatherhood
18. Ambition

The sound levels vary and the content is likely to offend. But if you want around 40 minutes of entertainment and you have £5 to spend, drop me a line. Wolf has a copy so he’s welcome to post a review of any flavour.


  1. The review will be here in due time…it's my christmas present! So it's sitting under the tree. My kids'll be here too any of it suitable for young uns with wise heads? 😀

  2. Hey Derek,

    The verdict – dun dun DUUUUUN! Yeah I'd spend a fiver on it. I was smiling at your material all the way thorough apart form the moments that made me laugh out loud…of which there are quite a few.

    I reckon you need to use the software to make yourself sound rediculously nasally though…or just leave chopsticks up there and impersonate a nasally endowed walrus?

    Buy it folks..give the Jedi a break! :o)

    Happy New Year Derek.

    Happy New Year one and all.


    Ps…did the Jedi actually smooth the bits out of a human turd for the ecological experiment? Please kindly accept a pat on the back for your solo effort in the aircraft's bog 😉

  3. Derek says:

    Hey, no giving away the punchlines! Thanks for being the first listener of the complete set. I'm not sure what I'll do with it next but it's a handy audio showreel (soundreel?) for anyone looking to hire me as a writer.

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