When I first watched the original Star Wars movie, sitting on the edge of my seat so I could take it all in, I never realised I was also getting an education.

It took a while for everything to sink in, but after watching the original trilogy for, oh, maybe eleven times, I can now bring you those all-important life lessons from The Book of Luke.

1. It’s all your dad’s fault. End of. And even if he doesn’t actually succeed in taking over the universe, he mostly behaves as if he has. And what is it with that gruff voice – who’s he trying to impress? (Oh, and it’s okay to be scared of him now and again.)
2. The first girl you’re attracted to may only love you as a brother. It’s  probably a very good thing in the long run. You really don’t need someone to bicker with or rescue, or someone who expects to be treated like royalty. Sometimes it takes a few years and the odd emotional scar or three to see things that way.
3. There’ll come a point where all you want to do is practise with your lightsaber. It’s…er…a guy thing. Just don’t duel in public.
4. Starting your own rebellion or joining someone else’s often seems like a good idea. You meet interesting, like-minded people
 and you can all bitch together about how oppressed you are, how no one understand you, and what a difficult life you’ve had up to now. On that basis, Luke is kinda like the original Emo.
5. When it comes to a showdown with your dad, don’t show your hand too early or you may live to regret it. Sure, he may want you to join the family business, but think carefully about your career choices before you commit. And make sure any cutting edge medical insurance on offer runs to cybernetic replacements, just to be on the safe side.
6. Respect your elders. Well, the ones who can do neat tricks and are wanted by the authorities (in a good way). There’s a lot of wisdom gone into making those wrinkles, and a lot of stupidity too. Listen when they talk about their mistakes and you might make fewer of your own.
7. It’s inevitable at some stage that you’ll end up with a terrible haircut. Wear it as a badge of pride. Dorkiness is its own sort of cool, especially among your rebellion friends. Sometimes it pays to just get it over with and grab that mixing bowl for your head.
8. When you get to drive, beware of traffic on narrow roads, or ravines, or trenches in a death star. It can sometimes seem as if everyone else is out to get you. Keep safe – the voice in your head telling you to watch out might be more than just paranoia.
9. A dog – or anything that looks like one – will make a good companion. But don’t let it lick your face.
10. Always leave the party before it descends into schmaltz. Or Ewoks, which is pretty much the same thing. Every episode in life is like a movie, and it’s better to leave before the credits come up and other people start walking out.

And remember, it usually works out okay in the long run. Especially if you’re Harrison Ford.

THE END (Cue closing titles and stirring music.)