|A ghost of Christmas past.|
This is the second year I’ve entered the Gold Channel cracker joke competition. The fact that I’m mentioning it at all should alert you to the prospect of a happy or unhappy ending. In this case, both!
The brief was for something topical and festive, perhaps with a twist on a traditional Christmas cracker groaner. I posted 15 on Twitter and my favourite is neither topical nor festive. Maybe that’s why it failed to impress the audience.
Who is Rudolf’s favourite singer? Elkie Brooks!
Anyway, one of my little crackers made the cut for the top 20. Sadly for me, only the top ten get a writer’s mention and mine came in at number 11.
My winning entry.
What do you give the man who has everything for Christmas? Amnesia.
Which Triumph model did Gabriel and Michael prefer?
How do Royal Mail staff run a strike ballot? First past the post.
What do you get if you use power tools to make the house more festive? Double-decorations.
Where does Father Christmas go to the toilet? In an igloo.
What is the Christmas gift that money can’t buy? Money, unless it’s foreign currency.
How do Santa’s elves decide what to wear? They suit themselves.
Where do armies fear to tread at Christmas? Snowman’s Land.
What is Rudolf’s favourite dessert? Chocolate moose.
Where does Father Christmas go for his holidays? Easter Island.
Why did the elves give Santa cranberry sauce and mustard? They wanted to pass on the condiments of the season.
What do Santa’s midnight feasts and London drivers have in common? They both pay a heavy congestion charge.
What does Father Christmas eat on Boxing Day? Quiche la reindeer.
Merry Christmas, one and all – that’s my festive motto!